Saturday, May 10, 2008

Wake Me Up!!!!!!!!!!!

Man, I really need somebody or a few people to slap me hard and scold me endlessly.

I'm a pathetic pile of crumbs. Even listening to music most of the time doesn't really help. I need to get an iPod or something. When I wake up, before I go to sleep, actually, most of the time, I keep thinking about him. Oh, please, please, please, get out of my damn mind!!!

Anyway, I've been listening to these songs!

1. Dance Inside - The All-American Rejects
2. Runaway - Avril Lavigne
3. The Potential Break Up Song - Aly & AJ
4. Don't Tell Me - Avril Lavigne
5. My Happy Ending - Avril Lavigne
6. Freak Out - Avril Lavigne
7. Shut Up - Black Eyed Peas
8. It's My Life - Bon Jovi
9. She's So High - Everclear
10. Too Little Too Late - JoJo
11. Don't Speak - No Doubt
12. Don't Look Back In Anger - Oasis
13. Stop & Stare - One Republic
14. Bounce - Sarah Connor
15. Dare You To Move - Switchfoot
16. Apologize - Timbaland feat. One Republic

Some of these songs are hard, loud, noisy and that's the way I like it now. The noisier, the better. I can blast them right in my ears and block out the whole world as well as reality.

Moving on is tough for me. My friends said I got to get myself together. Why waste time dreaming when he's out there enjoying with his new girl???

Oh my gosh. It is tough. I need to tell my friends to scold me as much as possible. I need to realize that he's so not worth it. Fickle-minded guy.

Friday, May 9, 2008

Friday Fill-Ins

1. The cake had an extra secret ingredient; it was chilli sauce!
2. Leave through my window.
3. Right now, I need a break.
4. The internet is where I went Thursday night; it was time to chat with friends.
5. Why does love hurt so much?
6. All I can think of is the break up.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to watch the TV and chat with a friend, tomorrow my plans include dinner at a dreaded place and Sunday, I want to sleep!

Some of my answers make no sense at all....that's part of the fun, right? =)

Saturday, May 3, 2008

Breaking Up Is Really Hard To Do

Picture from here

It's embarrassing that I'm in such a sad state right now. I have no mood to do anything. No mood to eat, no mood to read, no mood to watch TV, no mood to sleep (unless I'm feeling extremely drowsy), but luckily I still have the mood to blog. It seems that writing is a kind of special therapy. It helps the writer when she's depressed, sad, suffering from grief, etc. I started this blog because I was angry about 2 or 3 years ago. Guess I got my inspiration to write and it's all due to how I felt.

All right. Breaking up. I hate it. I've broken up many times with the same guy before. He's my first guy, by the way, and he always told me that we'd be forever. I was skeptical each time he said that. Well, looks like forever only lasted for 3 years. Yup, that's how long we've been together. We did break up a few times but always got back together. He would come begging me to take him back. He did beg me to take him back this time but I was not sure. He was the one who initiated the break up last Saturday!

I'm not the perfect girlfriend and I don't know what more he wants from me. He says that I don't love him enough or show concern for him. I'm not caring, loving, or understanding. Last Saturday, I felt like I've been kicked in the teeth when he told me that he's leaving me. That time was the time when I needed him most as something unfortunate had happened to me (I won't say what it was but it's really bad and sad). And he decided to dump me! Later, he claimed that he's drunk at the time and kept apologizing and begging me to accept him as my guy again.

I don't know, I don't know, I don't know what to do now. So far, we've only communicated via SMS and I don't think it's a good idea but I can't really meet him face to face now. There's no time for that. Communicating through SMS isn't that effective I think. It's slow and it's not really interpersonal.

I'll need to try to keep myself occupied and not think of him too often.